Less than 48 hours to go until I shave my hair. I have to admit, I'm absolutely terrified.
It seems like such a long time ago that I typed my details in to the Macmillan registration form, my hands shaking and my heart thumping as I hit the enter button. From that moment onwards, I have struggled to think of much else. As is always the way, when you are anticipating something time seems to move at half the speed.
I have quite a few feelings buzzing around in my head. Most of them, I feel ashamed to say, are pretty shallow.
Mainly, I'm worried about how I'm going to look, and feel, once the hair is off. I'm not confident in the way I look at all. My skin isn't great, I have pores the size of craters, I barely get the time to pluck my bushy eyebrows, makeup doesn't seem to sit right on me, and I really hate my nose. All of these things I'm sure go completely unnoticed by others, I mean, why would anyone else care what size my pores are? If they are close enough to see them, they are probably too close... but once you pick up an insecurity it's quite hard to let go again, and my face is my number one insecurity. I'm worried that once my hair is gone, all of my flaws are going to become more noticeable. To me, at least.
I'm also worried that my husband will have to see me at my worst. During the day I can cover myself in makeup and wear statement jewellery to make myself look/ feel a bit more feminine. But at night, once the make up has been wiped away, and my husband is faced with his bald wife, is he still going to find me attractive? I think I'm worried about that the most. Is that stupid?
I feel awful that all I have to complain about is my appearance. I mean, it's so shallow of me. I'm blessed with good health, many others can't say the same.
I don't want this whole post to be negative. I'm absolutely chuffed to bits with the money I have raised so far, and I feel honoured to be doing this for such a great charity and cause. In the end, all of my fears and worries will be worth it because the money I'm raising could make the world of difference to someone with cancer and their family. If you would like to donate you can do so here.
Please do come and watch me shave my hair live on periscope (@blogmummylauren) at 8pm on Thursday (27th August), your support would be greatly appreciated. Apologies in advance though, I'm probably going to cry! Honestly though, I'm sure I'll be fine, I think I've just caught a bad case of last minute jitters.
I love reading all of your comments and getting to interact with all my readers so pop a comment in the section below and lets chit chat.
I shaved my head to grade 1 3 years ago now, I did it for my son, until the day of my head shave I never thought about it, but I was a little worried, take it from me it is the best thing you will ever do! I have never felt so confident and alive in my entire life, it made me feel so pretty and my hair was down to my bum, like you I think I used it as a shield, you are doing something that will change you forever in a good way xx
ReplyDeleteWow, you are so brave. I am sure you will look absolutely gorgeous once it is done. I can understand why you would be nervous, i would be too, but I am sure you will do great. Its such an amazing charity and you really are doing such good for others. Thank you! xx
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It's so wonderful what you are doing. It's understandable to be anxious but think of all the lives you are going to change. Linking up with #sharewithme
ReplyDeleteYou should feel immensely proud. I totally get your nerves but you are an inspiration! Good luck! #MMWBH
ReplyDeleteYou should feel so proud! Your husband won't love you any less. Try not to worry! You will still look great :) Well done and Good luck xx
ReplyDeleteYou are so brave and by now have done it and good for you. I have heard it's liberating. Thank you for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme
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