In August I turned 28, and it really hit home that I'm approaching the big 30! Honestly, I still feel like I'm 21. I know, everyone says that, but most of the time for me it's true. My first child was born when I was 21, and I've been so busy caring for my little humans for the last 7 years that I have kind of forgotten that I've aged. Of course, I am brought back down to earth in some particular situations, like when I go out for a drink and realise I'm like a grandma new to the people around me, or when I sit down in a chair and I make and 'urrrrrgh' sound (and when I get up again), that is when I realise I'm definitely not 21 anymore!

It has been just over a month since I shaved off all of my hair for charity, so I thought I would do a little update on how I've been getting on.

It has been strange having no hair, and I've found myself going through different stages of acceptance.

My shave day was obviously a real high. I live streamed my shave on Periscope, and I got an amazing amount of support. I ended the stream feeling fantastic, and posed for lots of photos, absolutely beaming from ear to ear. I was so proud of myself, proud of the money I had raised. I think I was still smiling when I went to bed that night.

The following morning I was brought back to earth with a bang. With the excitement over and the makeup washed away, I looked in the mirror and didn't feel quite as fantastic as I had the night before. I didn't have much time to reflect on the situation because I had to go to work, and wear a wig for the first time. I'd chosen the wig a while before I shaved my hair, and had decided to mix it up and get a blonde wig. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but on the day after shaving my hair and feeling like I'd lost my identity a bit, it didn't feel like such a good idea.

I felt weird, looking at my reflection and seeing a blonde person I barely recognised. I couldn't help but think it looked so much like a wig, and I was conscious of it all day. It was such a relief to get home that evening and get the wig off. I still felt rubbish though, so I replaced the wig with a hat. The hat stayed on my head for almost week. A week.  Instead of feeling proud of my appearance, I hid my head with a hat. I didn't even have the confidence to bare my head around the house, and only took it off for bed.

When I posted the first pictures of my shaved hair on to social media I got such an overwhelming response from people. So many comments on how fabulous I looked, and that I really carried the look well. Honestly though, once the excitement of the event had worn off, I didn't feel fabulous or beautiful. I just felt a bit rubbish about it.

I've had some pretty whacky hairstyles and colours in my time, and I've pulled all of them off with confidence. I really though this would be no different, that I would just embrace the style and rock it, but it didn't quite work out that way, not straight away at least.

I think it was just a bit of a shock to the system, it was a pretty big change after all. And sometimes, big changes take a bit of getting used to. And that is exactly what I'm doing, getting used to it. It's short, and it's going to be short for a while, so it's time to accept my new look and just go with it.

It has grown about 1cm since I shaved. I have been taking a selfie every day so I can see it growing, and while it doesn't feel much longer, you can really see the progress in the photos!

On Wednesday my husband and I celebrated our four year wedding anniversary. It certainly doesn't feel like four years ago, in fact I was convinced we had only been married three years. So convinced in fact, that I had entered it in to the family diary... '3 year anniversary'. It was only when we consulted the date tattooed on to my back that I realised it was four years, and not three. It doesn't feel possible that it was that long ago!

We don't really do date night, or nights out. That kind of thing just isn't possible when you have a child with ASD. Neil doesn't sleep well, and is prone to some anxiety at night, and it just wouldn't be fair to leave him in the house with someone else, the change in routine would be too much for him.

We're not really in to that kind of thing anyway, we both prefer a night in with a take away and a movie, and maybe a little bit of xbox. The simple life!

We had planned on going out for a picnic as a family in the afternoon, as a little bit of a celebration with the kids. Of course, the lovely Northern Irish weather put a stop to that plan, as we really didn't fancy a wet picnic. The change of plan wasn't going to put a damper on our day, so we decided to have a picnic in the living room instead.



We laid out a spread on the floor. Sandwiches, cakes, biscuits, crisps. All kinds of unhealthy, but absolutely delicious treats. The kids stuffed their faces until crumbs burst out of their mouths, and I wasn't far off!



After our lovely afternoon picnic, we had a chill day in the house.

Once we had put the kids to bed at 7:30, we ordered in a pizza from our favourite take away and watched a movie together on the sofa. The kids, who are usually up and down every 15 minutes, were on strict instructions to stay in bed so we could watch our movie.

About three quarters of the way in, I heard shuffling in the hall, and looked out to see Caitlin sitting in the darkness peering in to us. My instant reaction was to get a little bit cross, and I shouted at her to get back upstairs to bed. A little later on I went upstairs to the toilet to find Caitlin sitting in the doorway of Neil's bedroom, waiting for me. 'I've left something downstairs for the both of you' she said, before running in to the bedroom. When I went downstairs I found a toilet roll tube decorated with little pictures and hearts.


It absolutely melted me. It was so sweet of her, she knew it was a special day for mummy and daddy and she wanted to show us she cared. The way she nervously waited around so she could give it to us, and how she waited upstairs to tell me about it after I had shouted at her. I immediately felt so awful for shouting. I went upstairs to give her a big cuddle and tell her how much I loved her. While I was upstairs, I was presented with another decorated toilet roll tube from Neil. They really are the sweetest little people, bless them. I will be keeping the thoughtful hand made gifts as a wee keepsake of the day.

It was a lovely way to end our nice, low key celebration. Here's to another year of marriage, may it be  as wonderful as the last!

Have you heard of the Brave the Shave campaign for Macmillan? During the month of August, the charity are encouraging people to sign up to 'Brave the Shave', and shave off their hair to raise money to support people living with cancer.

When you find yourself googling the phrase 'how to overcome writers block', you know you are in trouble.

You may, or may not have noticed that I haven't been around much recently. I've been struggling to write anything for almost a month, and my blog is suffering for it. Yes, I've posted a few photography posts here and there, but nothing with a substantial amount of writing. I have spent many an evening staring at the blank space on my blogger screen, wondering what to do with myself.



In June, I attended Britmums Live. I had been dreaming about it for a year, planning it for 6 months. I thought I would arrive home from my trip and feel inspired, ready to take on the blogging world. And for a few days, I did.

I finally felt like I could take myself seriously, and call myself a blogger. I came home, totally buzzing about the future of my blog and my writing. I started scribbling notes in to my notepad, making lists of future posts, gathering my thoughts. I was full of chat with my husband about how beneficial the conference had been, excited to discuss my ideas with him.

It all sounds very promising, doesn't it? So as you can imagine, I felt a little bit deflated when I sat down at my laptop to write some posts, and my mind went totally blank. I have pages of ideas, but can't seem to turn those ideas in to posts. I can't find the words.

As the weeks have gone by (almost 6 of them since Britmums, I can't believe it's been that long!) I've been finding it harder and harder. Of course, self doubt has been creeping in.. maybe my writing isn't good enough. I think my biggest issue is fear of putting myself out there, to have complete strangers read what is in my heart, because what if they don't like it? This has been a big fear for me since I started blogging, but I think going to Britmums has magnified it. I met so many amazing bloggers that I was totally in awe of, and now wonder if I deserve my place among such people? That, I think, is what is holding me back.

I'm stressing myself out a bit. I love blogging, and I don't want to let my fears hold me back. I know in the past I've been told to just take a little break if I'm not feeling it, and usually that works, but it's different this time. I am feeling it, I don't want a break. It's so frustrating having so many ideas but not being able to put them across properly. What's more frustrating is knowing that it's my own fear that is stopping me from writing! I want to get back on track so badly.... if I could just get over the barrier that I have created.

I have been tagged by the lovely Lindsay from Newcastle Family Life to take part in the 'I am the mum who' tag. I've never taken part in a tag before, but it looked quite fun so I thought I would give it a go.